In following in the illustrious footsteps of the folks who brought you, "Sh*t White People Say" and "Sh*t College Students Say" (my favourites: "Sh*t Asian Moms Say", "Sh*t Hipsters Say") etc., I give you.....
Sh*t NMoms Say!
"Go play in traffic."
"I'm not surprised you failed."
"You don't have the body for it."
"After all I've done for you!"
"Ungrateful b*tch!"
"You ruined my body!"
"I was in labour for 14 hours with you!"
"This is all your fault."
"Hmm? I wasn't listening."
"She's always been jealous of me."
"She's just jealous of me."
"She can't even hide her envy of me!"
"I feel so sorry for her....!" (small grin)
"What a tragedy!" (huge grin)
"Honor Thy Mother and Father!"
"Show some RESPECT!"
"I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it!"
"I don't even want to look at you."
"I could've had an abortion. You owe me."
"It's my fault you're getting fat - I'm too good a cook, I guess!"
"You're just like your father!"
"Your Grammie hates me. She's a mean old witch."
"Your father said he hated you. Ooops! I wasn't supposed to tell you!" (big grin)
"I never said that."
"You're lying!"
"Liar!"
"Move out."
"I don't care if you do die!"
"You're getting too big for your own britches!"
"Mind your own business!"
"I could have married a rich man, but instead I married your pathetic father."
"What?"
"Huh?"
"Are you talking to me?! Can't you see I'm busy?!"
"Drop dead."
"You're looking . . . a little thick around the middle, aren't you dear?"
"NOBODY LOVES ME! WAHHHHHHHHH!"
"You think I'm a bad mother!"
"Go to hell!"
"......."
"And?!"
"So?!"
"It looks cheap."
"That's cheap."
"I'd never buy anything so cheap."
"We're 'upper middle class'."
"I could have married a millionaire."
"She's just jealous of me."
"What, I have to drop everything just because you have an ear ache?!"
"You can't sing."
"I hate the sound of your voice!"
"I got better grades than that when I was in school."
"Well, it's obvious - she's just jealous of me!"
"I was over-qualified, otherwise they would have given me the job on the spot!"
"I'm too intelligent to believe in God."
"She's not as intelligent as I am."
"She's sooooo jealous of me! Sooooooo jealous!"
"I got promoted! Now so-and-so is sooooooo jealous! She's sooooo threatened by me!"
"I fired so-and-so today!"
"Isn't she pathetic? Isn't that weird?"
"You're embarrassing me."
"You're just trying to hurt me!"
"This is so beneath me."
"F*ck off."
"I was fired because what's-his-face knew I was going to get his job!"
"She's an idiot."
"He's a retard."
"They don't even know how to do their jobs!"
"I'm the boss!"
"This is MY house!"
"My way or the highway!"
"I'll decide when you are finished dinner!"
"You're grounded!"
"I never said that. You misheard me."
"As if!"
"No way!"
"She's MY cat!"
"Clean up the litterbox - she's your cat!"
"Buy your own clothes."
"You have too many clothes."
"You said I could have it."
"I asked if I could wear it!"
"You should have washed it yourself if you didn't want it ruined! Well, you shouldn't have left it in the laundry room, then! Well, you should have left the load in your room until you were ready to do it!"
"It wasn't sabotage! Those pants didn't look good on you anyway!"
"You're spoiled."
"Because I said no."
"I don't care!"
"You're a fat pig!"
"I look really skinny today!"
"My shoes cost more than all of your clothes combined!"
"She was insanely jealous!"
"You should have seen her face!"
"Those are MY snacks - you're not allowed any of them!"
"Ha! You don't need to have dinner tonight! Look at you!"
"I'm the alpha female!!!!"
"She's a bitch - she's obviously jealous of me."
"I could have done so much better than your father."
"It's natural to have a favourite child. Not everyone's strong enough to admit that, but I am!"
"Well, she's threatened by my intelligence."
"I hate you."
"You can't do that."
"Not in my house."
"Because I said so!"
"I don't care!"
"You don't deserve it!"
"You've got your father's thighs."
"You'll never get a man!"
"You're on drugs!! You're on drugs! I knew it!"
"You're hard to love."
"You've always been difficult to like."
"Pork chop!"
"Miss Piggy!"
"Nosy cow!"
"I could have been so much more if I hadn't spent years raising you kids!"
"I didn't think you wanted it anymore!"
"You have to make dinner."
"Clean the bathroom."
"WAKE UP!"
"You always sleep in."
"Lazy!"
"GET UP!"
"You're wearing that?!"
"Shut up! Just shut up! I don't want to hear your voice!"
"This little 'estrangement' of yours ends NOW."
After I named my daughter after the maternal grandmother I adored, my NM commented, "It's funny you chose that name, your grandma never really liked you."
ReplyDelete"You have really sallow skin."
"Your hair is as straight as pump-water."
"You're so plain, you'll die an old maid."
"Your boobs look like a pair of poached eggs."
After I gave birth to my daughter, "A girl? I wanted a grandson!"
After my husband died, "I always knew you'd die a lonely old widow."
Need I go on?
Boobs like poached eggs? Because they're symmetrical? Firm? Not like the fried eggs your mama's boobs looked like?! ;-)
DeleteSorry - thought it was so weird it was worth making fun of. Your mom's a momster of the first degree, Mulderfan!
"I'll give you something to cry about!"
ReplyDelete"You're too sensitive."
"Stop crying!"
I'm sure we could add many more to this list1
HOW could I have forgotten "You're too sensitive"?! I heard that EVERY DAY! :-p
DeleteLOL, me too. "over sensitive" or "too sensitive" is probably my NM's favorite way to describe me!
DeleteAh, yes.. "You're too sensitive."
DeleteThis brought me great pain and shame growing up. I believed I was weak, defective, defeated before I began. These words made me hate myself.
I wish I had been valued for who and what I was by my mother, guided and supported, told of my good qualities and encouraged..
instead of put down, dismissed, and spiritually and emotionally neglected.
This idea of me being too sensitive became "common knowledge" in the family. My NGC sibling grew up believing it and, as an adult, would use the words and the notion against me at every chance.
I can't imagine telling any child that they're "too anything". That is so negative and condemning and destructive. Personally disparaging. Abusive.
Oh, NO! The first one shocked me! That's something my loving father (not a N) JOKINGLY said to us kids growing up, and I now jokingly say it to my own kids. (We lock eyes and smile, and sometimes hug and kiss after I say it, and they know it's a "funny".) You see, for us it's like a shock-value, opposite thing to say because we would NEVER..
ReplyDeleteAnother common, heartless-sounding thing to say when asked where your children are is, "Oh, they're probably off somewhere playing with matches". It's sort of a deadpan comedy thing..
I think it must have to do with the region I grew up in..
Oh, my. What jerks!
:D
Oh no worries! I've jokingly said it to kids I look after, too! The difference is whether or not you MEAN it! ;-) Only the NM meant it!
DeleteGreat list. I definitely think we could all add to it:
ReplyDelete"Here. I got this [bag of candy] because I thought of you." Snicker
"I was a good mom. I fed you."
"It's not all about YOU."
"I was so excited [about your baby shower] I forgot to call [to say I was coming.]"
"Your sister doesn't feel like you care about her."
"It doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize you aren't giving me time with your babies."
And the list goes on.
Things ACON's say back.
ReplyDeleteOh my! you're turning such a lovely shade of blue!
Maybe it's my hands clutching your neck?
Ha ha ha!
Delete