CONTEST: Funniest Narcissist Joke!

It's on! The search for the funniest narcissist, narcissistic parent, or ACoN-related joke is a go!

Submit your joke either as a comment below or via email if preferred: acon(DOT)anon(AT)gmail(DOT)com.

Since The ACoN Society is still relatively new (and we have few enlisted followers at this time!), the contest will be open until further notice. The winning joke(s) and author's screen name (and avatar, if they approve) will be posted on The ACoN Society to brighten the lives of other ACoNs and give them a good hearty laugh.

Please keep it clean (so I don't have to change this blog's description to "contains adult material"!).

Are you a gifted (or amateur) cartoonist? By all means, please submit a comic strip or single frame one-liner - we'd be delighted to share it via The ACoN Society's blog!

Need help getting started? Here are a few classic openers that need a punchline:

• Why Did the Narcissist Cross the Road?

•  A doctor, an accountant and an ACoN walk into a bar....

•  Why Didn't the ACoN Cross the Road?

• A Narcissist enters a restaurant. The waiter asks him, "_____"

And some ideas for potential punchlines:

• "Because no one will know it was me!"

• Because it was beneath her.

• "I don't understand what's so special about her!" "But madam, she's the Queen!" "Your point?"

• Because the narcissist is never wrong.

My own dreadful contribution:

How many narcissistic parents does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, but it takes an infinite number of available ACoNs to continue to attend to this menial task for them, at their whim. (And the N is never satisfied, because no matter what bulb was used, there can never be enough light shining on the narcissist!)

Yeah. Weak. As you can see, I'm going to need your help to cheer up your fellow ACoNs! Enter your jokes today!

Here are some classics you may have read already (as repeated on "Trubbles CatBox" and Lisa E Scott's blog):

What do a narcissist and a sperm have in common? Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.

My husband and I divorced for religious reasons. He thought he was God and I didn't.

Why won't a vampire attack a narcissist? Professional courtesy.

There's nothing wrong with narcissists that reasoning with them won't aggravate.

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

A priest, a teacher, a millionaire, and a narcissist were golfing together.
As they walked the course, they came up behind a foursome that was moving very slowly, and that didn't offer to let them play through. Calling over the club pro, the foursome inquired about the poor sportsmanship of the slow group. The pro explained that the slow golfers were blind. The priest said, Oh, bless them, I will keep them in my prayers. The teacher said, I will tell my students how inspiring they are. The millionaire said, I will offer to pay their greens fees for the year. The narcissist said, Why can't they play at night?

What is one way to irritate a narcissist?
Pretend to enjoy doing the lowly menial chores which the narcissist has given you to do – it will make the narcissist think that he or she is missing out on something.

What's a narcissist's idea of compromise?
Persuading others to go along with the narcissist's preferences.