Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Featured Blog: YOUR BLOG HERE

by Quercus


When I first started this blog, I really didn't intend for this to be a personal blog as such. And in all honesty, one of the biggest reasons for this was that I didn't want my NFOO to find me! I wanted to remain anonymous, to just be who I am but under a pseudonym, and help others to find a central hub that linked all the excellent ACoN blogs together. (It had taken me so long to find the blogs I currently follow!).


I've also noticed that ACoN blogs have a finite life-span. Some of the blogs I first read were pretty well defunct by the time I came around to them (for example, "Narcissists Suck" - Anna Valerious still moderates comments and posts maybe once a year, maybe, but I definitely found it after its hey-day). While I still refer back to her blog (it really is one of my all-time favourites) as it continues to be a useful and thought-provoking resource for me, it's also really nice to read the still-active journeys of other ACoNs. And I find that the newer, fresher blogs are always the hardest to find!

It seems to me, as someone who is still 'in the woods' of her ACoN journey, that the average life-span of an ACoN blog is only a few short years. Then it gets retired - the ACoN has moved on, resolved their issues, and has other battles to fight and victories to celebrate in their lives! I really wanted to start the sort of blog or site that could be passed on to someone else, or at least one that I could continue to support but have other, newer writers give it life when my burn-out point is reached. The reason for this is simple - I know what it felt like to be alone in cyberspace, trying to find a 'community' of people with problems like mine to interact with! It was very lonely for me at first, and I always had this sense that I was two years behind (or more!) on all the blogs I commented on. I felt that I had missed the boat, and I don't want any other ACoN in that fragile "first-step" phase to feel the way I did.


I also thought I'd have various other authors and bloggers contributing articles, so we could essentially run a little 'magazine' of sorts that highlighted the brave contributions of the sort of people who really put themselves out there to share, and to refer back to their personal blogs (if desired) so that all the ACoNs out there looking for answers/understanding could read more from the ACoNs who most interested them.

But it turns out that my idea didn't work all that well: comment forms seem to be sufficient for people to "have their say"; forums exist for anonymous posting as well; the sort of people who want to say more generally have their own blogs anyway and don't have time to do extra posts; and I'm the only contributing author on The ACoN Society to date (apart from Ruth and Sister Renee Pittelli who wrote a tonne for "FAQ", which I am very grateful for!). I'm really not a 'business-minded' person, as you can tell - my idea was half-baked at best! Good thing this is all free!

I do, however, want to try to come back to my original premise a bit and use this blog as I intended it to be in the first place - a launch pad!

I am formally inviting any blogger who follows/occasionally looks at my blog to 'pitch' their own blog here!

I have a link of recommended blogs on the right of my page (PLEASE let me know if you'd like yours added! Would be happy to oblige!), but it's not very visible, and every blog typically has a links list....

Instead, I was thinking it would be cool to have a "Featured Blog" post now and then, showing a screenshot of the blog and a blurb from the author as to what their blog is about, where/when it started, where it's going, and maybe a general synopsis of the author. For example, Quercus is a ACoN of an NM and (N)EF who is currently waffling on the LOW/NO CONTACT threshold, is over a year into therapy, and is married and in her thirties. Now if you were an only child of an elderly NF who lives with him still and is also his caretaker, we not might have much in common.

What I'd like to do is help facilitate ACoNs to find the blogs most relevant or useful to them! It took me forever to find my favourites (which are typically those whose stories are like mine, but not always! Sometimes a different perspective is also really helpful and educational for me!), and I wished that there had been a central site that really linked all the blogs together so that people could quickly find what they needed!

So it's still my hope that I can 'give back' to the community that has helped me so much by connecting ACoNs with the blogs of other ACoNs.

My readership is low compared to many of your blogs, so I'm not really powered to unite the whole of the ACoN world by any means! But if you see the potential here in what I'd like to do, please help me to do it!

If you would like to submit a "Here's My Blog - Here's What I Write About - Please Come Read!" article, I would happily post it and a link (and a permalink if I don't already have one in the link list). And if you'd like to post on your blog, "Hey, I just featured my blog on The ACoN Society" and linked back here, maybe your readers could find other blogs as well and we can get everyone connected to helpful resources and kindred ACoN spirits!

Alternatively, I can 'play journalist' and do a 'review' of your blog myself, along those same lines (obviously running it past you for approval prior to posting). 

If you're interested, please drop me a line! I can't say that your article will bring in x number of viewers (again, my readership might even be smaller than yours!), but I'd love to help people find the blogs that might resonate with them best. It took me a frustratingly long time to find blogs that really spoke to me and my situation, and I would love to shorten that interval for others.

If there's a blog that I haven't listed that you read and think that other ACoNs should be made aware of, please let me know (comment/email)! I can contact the author and see if they'd be interested in a link to their blog on The ACoN Society.

UPDATE - I've done a mock "Featured Blog" example on the "Submissions to The ACoN Society" page (at top right of page). If you scroll down the "Submissions" page, you'll see a blurb I did about this blog. That's sort of the idea/content I was envisioning, but have at 'er if you've got a different vision for what a "Featured Blog" post for your blog should be!


  1. I'd love to help but I am not every ones cup of tea.
    I would be great at throwing your FOO off your scent tho.

    1. q, variety is the spice of life! ;-) Would you like to write your own blog's bio, then? Might actually be quite fun!

      Thank you! Would it be okay to add your blog to the link list as well?

    2. Q can definitely be a spicy cup of tea, but I think he'd be helpful to a lot of people. (you already have been helpful to lots of people).

      QG, I'd help you, but you've already linked to my blog a lot with your posts. So, I'd like to give others a chance to widen the net, so to speak. But keep me in mind, and when you run a bit dry with blogs, let me know and I'll be glad to help.

    3. Jessie - you're an angel in human form! ;-) Thank you very much for your gracious offer! Would love to feature you again all the same! Okay, I'll let someone else go first!

  2. I blog along the lines of Jonsi's topic. Married to an ACoN, mostly I share what we've been through and what has helped me. I'm getting a lot of hits but I know I'm new so any publicity would be great. I feel my blog is a 'niche' for those with N-in laws and who have their spouses loyalty in dealing with it. I also include information for those who are new to N's. :) I'd love to write for you sometime or be featured on the side bar...
    I really look forward to being introduced to new blogs through this, great idea!
    My blog is http://spouseofanaconanon.blogspot.com/
    (hope that wasn't a shameless plug... I really wanna help people like me, I had no access to such information and only wish I stumbled across these sites years ago!)

    1. Welcome, Gracie!

      No, please! PLUG AWAY! :-D It's so hard to find new blogs (I didn't even know about yours! THANKS!), and I too have a real passion for getting the right readers to the right blogs for them!

      Wonderful! Yes, Jonsi is a valuable player because she's in that same narrow 'niche'! It's fantastic that there's another person coming from a similar perspective - I think both of your blogs would be so vital to a loving supporter of an ACoN looking for information!

      I will add your blog to the side bar, but I do think a 'Featured Blog' post would get more attention. Would you like to submit an auto-biography of you and your blog? Or would you rather I write one? It's less work for me if you want to write your own! ;-)

      My email: acon.anon(AT)gmail.com for submitting blurbs! I can grab a screenshot of your blog the day of posting for the image, if that's okay with you! :-)

    2. P.S. For the "Venn Diagram Directory", I already had in mind to label Jonsi's blog with an asterisk or something to identify that her blog is written by the spouse of an ACoN. Now there can be two in that category! Cool! ;-) I think sorting by content (who the Narc is, for example) is probably easiest, then identifying the unique perspective afterwards.

    3. Gracie, it's good to see you here. I added you to my blog list, as I was unaware you had a blog too!
      While I'm an ACoN and my main topics are my NM and NSis, I'm also married to an ACoN with a narc MIL. Talk about more fun than a barrel of flying monkeys! Anyway, I look forward to reading what you have to say on the subject!

    4. Thanks, Quercus! I will make a note for myself to send you the information and would be very pleased to be listed as a resource in the in-law section of the N-world. I'm of the same mindset of trying to reach more readers like you are and think this is a fantastic idea. If only such blogs came up years ago when I was searching for information on abusive in laws! I feel it would have saved me a lot of heartache.
      Thanks, Jessie! Wow, I am so so sorry. Sounds like you have enough N's to start a mini crazy farm! D: I can only imagine if my own family were added to the mayhem, they are in ways but certainly are not N's. It's encouraging for me to see how other ACoNs saw the reality of the situation and how they got out of it to better lives. All of you are such an encouragement and give me reason to keep blogging so maybe someday, some wife or husband will read my page and be the voice to finally stand up and say 'no' to these people!

  3. QG. You can add, subtract, copy, cut, paste, invert and multiply.
    If you give me a topic I'll write something. But left to my own devices, I am not so sure about the end product.

    1. Ha ha, I'm actually looking FORWARD to seeing what you'd write! You're always funny!

      Hmm, okay - how about:

      - an introduction on who you are (whatever you don't mind sharing, i.e. an ACoN of a NM, that sort of thing), and who the narc in your life is, and what your current relationship status is with them.

      - some background on your blog (i.e. why you wanted to write it in the first place; if it started as one thing and morphed into another; where you see it going or what your personal philosophy/feelings are about your creation!

      - who of the ACoNs you would recommend your blog to (i.e. everyone? People at the start or end of their journeys specifically? People who aren't easily offended (I JOKE!)? People who would like to see the lighter side / more cynical side / more compassionate side of ACoN life?).

      I don't know, is that helpful? :-) I could 'review' your blog myself, but I get the feeling that would deny people the pleasure of reading a funny sales pitch from q!

  4. Hi Quercus, I'm married to an ACoN and started a blog recently http://andmylifeitis.blogspot.nl/. I discovered these blogs on narcissism just a few weeks ago. I'm so happy I have found them, they are helpful and empowering! I want my blog to be a useful place to others dealing with the same problem (check my introduction for more specifics), so I would love to be featured on your blog :-). Thanks, J.