Sunday, 23 December 2012

A Very Merry Christmas, Friends!

by Quercus

Wishing you a very merry Christmas!

As the holidays launch, I wish each and every ACoN.....




But I know that for many of us who are not fortunate enough to be spending Christmas and New Year's with our Families of Choice (and who are, instead, still feeling obligated to meet the demands of the FOO, or are still trying to find a way to keep the FOO at bay), each of these wishes will be hard to come by!

If you can't find Peace, Love and Relaxation this time of year (like me!), then I wish you the following:



(*rum and eggnog is my go-to seasonal palliative)

I've been away from the blog for two weeks, unintentionally, just due to the pre-holiday chaos. I can't imagine it'll get any easier, so I really will remember all of you in my prayers and send you warm thoughts in the meanwhile (especially as I get towards the bottom of the glass of coping-mechanism - I'll be toasting you all like crazy as NM makes more comments about my weight and the eggnog not helping anything!).

Please remember to take the ACoN Society Survey, if you haven't yet! The survey runs until New Year's Eve, so get to it before 2013!

Short update on the life of QG:

I have managed to survive several obligatory holiday social events that I could not excuse myself from, and I fared rather well! The narc ex-friend actually kept her distance (though it should be said I was very careful to avoid her - I even scheduled bathroom breaks so that I couldn't be cornered!), and so all in all it worked out alright in the end. Just. I'm thankful to God - I'm sure Providence had a hand in that!

The FOO is up its usual tricks, with one notable exception: with the absence of me as full-time scapegoat, they've roped in another for the holidays (MUCH scapegoating required this time of year! They needed to spread out the load!). So a poor relative of mine, who is very good and kind and patient, is getting bullied now, too. It's fascinating/horrifying/nauseating to see it happen, but I'm learning so much about the RIGIDITY of their narc-minds! They really can't/won't give up on their little pathological games for even an instant! Not a moment can go by without someone in the 'scapegoat' position.

My long-time friend who had a recent crisis, who I have since accepted is also 'narcissistically defended', has had a full break-down and is probably at what can be considered 'rock-bottom'. It's horrible to see, but maybe it's what needs to happen. She can finally see that her family isn't just unwilling to help her, but that they are also the problem. Whether or not it sticks remains to be seen. I'm happy to report she's seeing a therapist. I hope she comes in our direction. But that's a very big decision, as you and I know....

But that's it for me! More sleep deprivation, travel, wrapping, packing, stressing to go, then full on "survival mode" (I'll take notes in case anything amusing happens!), and then the denouement of the post-Christmas, pre-NYE week. I'm sure I'll have LOTS to say then!

Merry Christmas once again to everyone! Remember the reason for the season - it's rooted in HOPE. Salvation. A new beginning. It's in practicality a stressful, busy, materialistic season. But it was meant to be so much more - HOPE in the darkest days.

Hang in there, one and all. We'll chat again in 2013 (or before, depending on how terribly Christmas went!).

- QG :-)


  1. Merry Christmas QG.
    May your God be with you.

  2. Wishing you much joy (when it's all over perhaps)

  3. Merry Christmas QG. Good luck, dear. Look forward to hearing from you in the New Year!

    And good for you with that friend and the social engagement. I know that was weighing on your mind. The only thing, doesn't it suck to have to plan bathroom breaks in order to avoid the narcs?! Why does it have to be so friggin hard with them!!

  4. Merry Christmas Quercus! I'm glad your holiday was good. It's amazing how much better they are without our narc families.