MUSIC: Narcissism Anthems & ACoN Songs

Article by Quercus

Carly Simon's hit song "You're So Vain" might be the first to pop into anyone's head when prompted to name a narcissistic song.

But there are so many songs out there that 'ring true' for people who have been on the receiving end of extreme self-centeredness.

I know I have a few favourites. I'm not sure anyone else would hear them in the same way, but to me they hit an emotional chord or two.

If The ACoN Society was to put out a "Greatest Hits" album (apologies to those who were physically abused - I realise it's a poor choice of words), what songs would you nominate for it? Let's compile a soundtrack.

I personally nominate the following songs (I think I've got classic rock and alternative covered - please help flesh out the other genres!):

• Elton John's "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" 

The whole song's relevant to me, i.e. "You know you can't hold me forever, I didn't sign up with you. I'm not a present for your friends to open, this boy's too young to be singing the blues."

"What do you think you'll do then? I'll bet you'll shoot down your plane. It'll take you a couple of vodka and tonics to set you on your feet again. Maybe you'll get a replacement, there's plenty like me to found...."

I like the imagery of "catastrophic self-harm" coupled to having a few cocktails and then moving on to finding a new source of narcissistic supply. I think it captures the DSM-5's proposed revision to NPD well (my emphasis on the vacillation part):  

Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.

• David Bowie's "Oh! You Pretty Things"

This song is written from the perspective of older parents, watching with horror as a new species, Homo superior, take over the world.

"All the strangers came today, and it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, you pretty things! Don't you know you're driving your mamas and papas insane?"

"Look out at your children; see their faces in golden rays. Don't kid yourself they belong to you, they're the start of a coming race. The earth is a bitch, we've finished our news; Homo sapiens have outgrown their use. All the strangers ('nightmares' in another verse) came today, and it looks as though they're here to stay."

It's a really neat song, musically speaking (I defy you to not want to sing along to the chorus!). To me, it captures the 'redundant' feeling my NMom has now that she's aging (and fighting it all the way).

Why can't our parents see our births as a launch of a new and exciting generation? Why can't they be happy for us that we're coming into power in our own rights? Is it because all their identities were wrapped up in being young and virile?

It makes me wonder - what did our grandparents feel? And their parents? I don't believe that the 'current' generation is any 'worse' than the previous. I'm actually rather suspicious that the previous one just gripes an awful lot more than their predecessors. Maybe it's because life in the western world has gotten so easy. I'll bet there was once a generation glad to grow old and die; one that had had 'enough' of life. There's no pleasing people with a whopping great sense of entitlement.

• Audioslave's "Revelations"

This is probably a fantastic song for an ACoN who had pseudo-religious parents who preached at them (not my experience). But for any ACoN who was told what they thought and felt and who weren't allowed to 'own' their own existence, I think the lyrics (good and angry sounding!) will strike a familiar chord.

The entire song rings true for me. I suppose it can be heard as being anti-Christian, but I don't agree. I hear it as a rebuttal to a hypocritical pseudo-religious self-righteous stance. I see it as a shout back at my parents for telling me what I was feeling and thinking (leaving me very confused):

"You know what to do, you know what I did. Since you know everything, just clue me in. I am such a wreck, I am such a mess. I know what I know, why don't you fill in the rest? I will bring you down, I will make it bad, while you're feeling proud, why don't you help me?!"

Chorus: "Such a shame that I ought to know by now your 'revelations'. Cut me in, I don't want to live without your 'revelations'."

"You know what to say,  you know what I said. You know what I dream sleeping in my bed. You hold all the keys, you know all the rules. Why don't you guide me then, if I'm such a lost soul. I'm spinning round, I will make you ill. Since I'm so broken down, why don't you fix me?!"

"I am haunted when I am sleeping. Try to give without receiving. It's in the apple bite, it's in the days and nights, in the afterlife we'll reap."

• Smashing Pumpkins' "Rocket"

The video for this song is really what sticks in my mind. It's of (adorable) children, dreaming to be astronauts. Their mission control is based in a nearby junkyard. They build a rocket in the backyard, during a barbeque. The parents ignore them, writing them off the whole time. Guess what happens in the end? "I shall be free!"

I actually feel quite a lot of sympathy for the mother with the astonished look on her face, dutifully serving them hot dogs. She didn't see it coming. I don't think they typically do. And it's not like the signs aren't there. If only they had redirected their attention from within to without...

This is the ultimate "I'm cutting the ties that bind!" anthem for me. I used to listen to it again and again when I was young and physically trapped.  Poor Billy Corgan; I wonder what he went through as a lad? (See my next song choice, too!)

Key lyrics for me are:

"Bleed in your own light. Dream of your own life. I miss me. I miss everything I'll never be. And on and on. I'll torch my soul to show the world that I am pure deep inside my heart. No more lies."

Here are the BEST set of lines pertaining to the ACoN experience, in my opinion:

"An image formed, deformed. The mark I've borne, a mark of scorn to you. Consume my love, devour my hate, it only powers my escape! The moon is out the stars invite, I think I'll leave tonight!"

"Soon, I'll find myself alone. To relax and fade away. Do you know what's coming down? Do you know I couldn't stay 'free'? I shall be free! I shall be free! I shall be free... free from those voices inside me."

• Smashing Pumpkins' "Disarm"

I listened to this song so much in my youth that I got sick of it. It's very pretty, especially if you haven't heard it a billion times. This is a song about a hurting little boy - he said it was about "the shaky relationship" with his parents as a child (many people took the lyrics literally and thought it was a song about abortion, re: 'cut that little child inside of me'). I think he was speaking metaphorically; I suspect he was turned into an abuser as well. When there's only two choices on who to be, victim or abuser, not everyone is able to choose 'victim'. Maybe Billy handed down the legacy of abuse he received from his parents to another child as a bully? I don't know. I know he's hurting, though; that much is clear.

"Disarm you with a smile, and cut you like you want me to, cut that little child inside of me and such a part of you. Ooh, the years burn."

"I used to be a little boy, so old in my shoes. And what I choose is my choice, what's a boy supposed to do? The killer in me is the killer in you."

"Disarm you with a smile, and leave you like they left me here, to wither in denial. The bitterness of one who's left alone. Ooh, the years burn."


Guilty pleasure-wise, I also like Bon Jovi's "Blaze of Glory". It doesn't have much to do with anything (apart from struggling against impossible odds, with nothing going in your favour), but it's a great battle-cry. Think trail-hardened cowboy outlaw ready to "go down in a blaze of glory" as his final stand. Favourite lines: "Lord, I never drew first, but I drew first blood. I'm no one's son, call me young gun." and the bitter response of "You ask me if I've known love and what it's like to sing songs in the rain? Well I've seen love come, I've seen it shot down, I've seen it die in vain."

UPDATE:  I've referenced three other songs in later posts which probably should have been included in this here. The first was "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd, then "Best of You" by the FOO Fighters, followed by "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell.

29 Sept 2012 update: How could I forget Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train"?!

Your turn! What's a great ACoN song or hilarious Narcissism Anthem? Please post your 'nominations' below.